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Post your funniest golf quotes!

Posted in: General Golf Discussion

GolfNet_Staff GolfNet Administrator
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These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen. ~ Lee Trevino I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them ~ Kevin Costner After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best ~ Jack Nicklaus The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H G Wells I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino
Slicer_1 Professional Champion
# 1 5/26/2009 12:51:03 PM
"She'll have a tough shot with that bush between her legs." Some female announcer on The Golf Channel
davis1019 Professional Champion
# 2 5/26/2009 2:54:30 PM
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them ......unless you are Charles Barkley. ~ Charles Barkley
davis1019 Professional Champion
# 3 5/26/2009 2:56:59 PM
Charles' swing, it certainly is interesting. It's like a speech impediment...~Tiger Woods
davis1019 Professional Champion
# 4 5/26/2009 3:03:25 PM
"I smell varmit poontang; and the only good varmit poontang is dead varmit poontang, I think"....~Carl Spackler of Caddy Shack
Spiko Professional Champion
# 5 5/26/2009 3:22:58 PM
I never saw a putt hit short of the hole go in...Lee Trevino
davis1019 Professional Champion
# 6 5/27/2009 7:27:31 AM
Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one did not float too well. ...~Craig Stadler
davis1019 Professional Champion
# 7 5/27/2009 7:30:23 AM
You can either drink all day, or golf. ....~Alice Cooper
davis1019 Professional Champion
# 8 5/27/2009 7:57:53 AM
If it wasn't for that tree, it would have been a great shot. ~ my self

GolfNet_Staff

GolfNet Administrator

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85 Views 10 Replies 1 Like

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead

You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen. ~ Lee Trevino

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
~ Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them ~ Kevin Costner

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis

Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny

There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best
~ Jack Nicklaus

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H G Wells

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
~ Bob Hope

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino