I'm 30 years old and I'm sitting in my office at my job wondering when or if I'll ever get my clubs out of the basement. I've been playing this game for 25 years. There is something wrong with me, I'll admit. It's not golf's fault.  But yesterday, while playing a quiet round by myself, I was 8-over on the 9th tee. I took a look down the hole and thought "I might just make this the last hole of the day" having already paid for 18. I hit my tee ball long and left. Another fairway missed. I went looking for it and after a couple of minutes, stopped looking and walked straight back to the parking lot and left the course. I got home and put my clubs in the basement and turned down a round this afternoon. This was not an isolated incident. Lately, I can't find the sweet spot on my putter, forget a 3-iron. My ballstriking has been so inconsistent as of late, I want to cry.  Or break my clubs.  I don't seem to care which.

See, I grew up right on a golf course. My first job was on a golf course. I played all the time when I was younger. I carried a 1 or better handicap for years and know what it feels like to shoot a 67 on a 7000+ yard course.  I was a decent player for a long time.

But then real life hit. I got a real career, and a  wife. Now kids. I play 9 holes, once a week, and it's usually a scramble of some sort of team event. I know that I can't play all the time anymore, but I can't seem to enjoy not playing my best. I'm not having any fun playing golf. I used to live and breath this game. I couldn't wait to get out there and give 100%! I talked about golf at dinner, I wore golf hats and golf shirts all the time. I was mad when the TV didn't carry golf on the weekends. I had the killer instinct on the course that made me not care about a ball in the water or a 3-putt. There was always a birdie around the corner.

But no more. It seems that a 3-putt is now enough to make me want to go home. I want to be anywhere but on the course. I feel angry with myself, and then I become ashamed of myself when I remember that there are golfers that would kill to break 100. The game of golf has now brought out a very ugly, selfish side of me that I didn't think (hoped maybe?) I had in me. Golf is funny that way.  It's in my head and that is what makes it the hardest game by far and away on the planet.  I find no enjoyment playing golf below my potential. I'm sitting here wondering if I'm alone on this one.