So today I tried playing a round of golf but had to give up. I was playing with a friend with whom I have played for years. He is a perfectionist with absolutely no reason to be. He was apparently playing reasonably well when his wife commented on how well he was playing. He then proceeded to self-destruct. Suddenly he couldn't hit a ball to save his life. He hit fat ones, thin ones, chunked his tee shots; he just lost his swing. I started out playing poorly myslef for the first three holes and was trying to find my swing. I wasn't happy with my play but I was trying to enjoy my golf time regardless of how I was playing. I find it a challenge to "right the ship" when you lose your swing.
I was in the cart with my friend and had to listen to his constant complaing and very bad profanities and diatribes against his wife. He completely blamed his wife for his poor play. No matter how I tried to encourage him even after a poor shot he refused to see the positive in anything. On one par five he "thought" he had chunked his tee shot into a hazard and was vociferously complaining and cussin a blue streak. I pointed out to him that his tee shot wasn't that bad, that it was still in the fairway and still allowed him to save par or maybe even birdie. Yea, he didn't hit it 250 but it was in play and still managed to go about 200 yards. Initially he didn't believe me,he continued to insist that his shot was so ugly that he didn't even carry the hazard. He refused to accept that he should have a positive outlook and continued to steam and complain about his play and that it was caused by his wife commenting on how well he was playing. I tried to encourage him by pointing out that all he needed to do was lay up to a good yardage and he would have a very good shot at par, maybe birdie with bogey being the worst score he would make. But he was so mad that he literally talked himself into worse play and continued to berate his wife to me. I was very unconfortable because I have known these people for years and I like them both. She is a decent player and I am sure she was very embarrassed about her husband's behavior.
So he picked up several times continuing to cry and complain and totally destroying any enjoyment I might have gotten out of the round. By hole number 9 even I was looking for a reason to leave. I heard thunder off to the South and took that opportunity to give it up. I like this guy. He is a very generous person and most of the time is a good guy. But when he gets on a golf course his expectations instantly skyrocket and he thinks that he should never hit a bad shot. He is especially sensitive to any comments about his playing. We are supposed to play again on Friday at High Meadow Ranch but I am not looking forward to a possible repeat of today. Right now I am considereing begging off. I get no enjoyment out of golf when he has one of his rants. It makes us ALL uncomfortable. We all become quiet for fear of saying something else that might aggravate the situation. We have had to deal with him for years on our golfing trips around the country. The only time he enjoys himself is when he does well. And when he does poorly, there is no getting him out of his funk. It continues even after the round is over.
I don't play well all the time. When I play poorly, I accept that I can have a bad day and view that day's golf as an opportunity to turn it around within the round. We all have to (or should) learn how to deal with a bad day. I was working my way out of my own poor play but it is hard to stay focused when you constantly have to listen to this kind of stuff. Anyway, how many of you have had such a day and how have you handled it? Should I play with him Friday or pass and go play elsewhere?
Comments (12) | |
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hnasdad
6/28/2010 4:45:51 AM The first time I played with a buddys' friend, he was a smart ass, he's probably around a 10 when he plays alot, but knee problems have taken his game back a notch. Anyways, he was really mouthy about my game, when I hit a bad shot or duffed one. At first it pissed me off. Especially when he was kicking my butt. But he was also the first one to say "nice shot" when I hit a good one. After playing with him a couple rounds I noticed that I usually played well when we played together. I realized his lighthearted approach to the game was not to belittle me or piss me off. It was to help me laugh it off when I hit a bad one. Most all of us are not good enough to get mad at ourselves. We all have expectations of our game and what we are capable of, but that isnt always the case. Ive taken his approach to my buddies now, keeping to myself most of the time. But when they really start on a bad run, Ill add a little fuel to the fire. Make a little fun about how they are playing, knowing that Ive seen them play better. You would be amazed at how well it works. For you friend, it seems he takes the game a little too serious, especially when he's playing poorly. Try poking at him, rub it in when you score better. Ask him what he got on the last hole, "excluding the 3 putt and ob drive that was a nicely played one" . Tell him how some little worm mom is gonna have to explain why their daddy isnt comeing home. If he chips one over the green tell him, the other side plays easier. Make fun of his slice. If he hits one ob and smashed his drop, tell him nice drive....if it wasnt your third shot (personal favorite). If he comes up short on a par 3 "smart play ya layed up" If its gotten to a point where he is making the game unfun for you, let him have it. Either he'll get it and laugh it off, or he's pissed at you and not his game/wife. Getting a buddy to laugh off a bad shot, or hole or round is what a friend should do. |
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mickchild
6/26/2010 7:30:55 AM I have bad days too. Even though I might have an outburst here and there at a bad shot I hope I don't become a nuisance, like your friend. I know if my wife were around me at such a time she'd walk off on me in a second (she won't even let me get angry when I'm driving). But after reading your observations on the subject, I'm going to make a conscious effort to avoid letting my frustration affect the mood of those I'm playing with. It's simply not fair to others. Nice post! |
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Timothyjack
6/25/2010 1:28:48 PM I have been in both sides of the situation. It takes a unique couple to be able to golf together. Me and my wife have had our share of spats. Usually stemming from trying to help her swing. I learned to let her do her own thing until she asks. And in my case, when I am doing poorly in a round, she has learned not to give encouragement and just be quiet and let me refocus myself to straighten it out. I don't do well with "Its ok Honey" or "Thats not too bad". I need a more stern and honest approach like "That was a bad hit. We don't need anymore of those. Get over it and this next one on the green." Thats what I need. |
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PISC
6/25/2010 12:42:44 PM Just curiuos what does this guy score like? |
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athinson
6/25/2010 8:59:38 AM That's what he gets for playing with his wife. |
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Shayne O'neil
6/25/2010 3:40:44 AM I have dealt with this pleanty. If you really do like him, its important that you tell him the truth. you will be better golfing buddies for it. Trust me, it will be the best thing for you and everybody else that gets their day ruined by him. If he cares about you at all, he will address it maturely. Good luck! |
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LindseyM
6/24/2010 10:35:32 PM It seems like you should talk to him about the behavior since you have played golf with him for years, go Friday with the mindset that today is going to be a good day. I get upset when my husband starts acting like an ass during our round. I tell him to get over it. |
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cogolfer1
6/24/2010 2:41:30 PM I'd play somewhere else and ditch the guy. I hate playing or hanging out with people like that and it really pisses me off and distracts my attention from the task I'm trying to focus on. I haven't ever played with many people like that thankfully, but just about every bad shot I hit I blame on myself unless it's a noise, visual distraction, or something along those lines. Thankfully I don't get too angry if I'm playing bad I just move on and focus on the next shot. |
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Duckhunter
6/24/2010 2:22:25 PM I would play elsewhere. Or play the same course just not with him. I would tell him why? Playing with someone like takes the fun out of your game. My son was like that for a short time. Until the day I told him he was not that good to act like that and this is our last round together. He made 180 turn around right then. He will still get upset when he plays bad but he is not an ass about it any more. Golf is to much fun to let some one pull you down, enjoy your next round. |